Internet Persecution

My Friends,
   Do you have any of those friends on Facebook who you don't know at all, but for some reason they have added you?  Did you, like me, accept their friendship because "fuck it, why not?"  Sure you do, we all do, and in most cases you can go on being friends with this person in perpetuity without any clue of who they are and what they are all about.

But then sometimes they try to start a conversation with you on FB Chat.

"Fuck Dude!...Really? You wanna take our friendship to that level right now?  Why don't you let me not get to know you for a few more years before you take the big step of saying 'hello' to me." 

   And so it was last night when "Amine" (names have not been changed to protect the innocent because fuck them) decided to finally talk with me.  I'm not sure how long me and this dude have been friends (maybe two years), but I can assure you, clicking "accept" for his friend request was nothing more than a vanity move on my part.  My line of reasoning, if memory serves, was something like "Hey, this dude is from Tunisia!  Perhaps if others see I have friends all around the world they will think I'm cooler for being so worldly." 
   Well as it turned out, having a non-Englirsh speaking, 10-year-old, male friend from some shit-kicker, third-world, Tunisian, backwater, one-horse town like whatever-the-fuck village this kid was from did not do the wonders for my rep that I thought it would.
   So whatever, I kept it cordial.  Heres how the conversation went:

Amine:
لا اله الا الله ارسلها لعشرة و ستسمع خبرا جميلا الليلة و لا تتجاهل
Me: no arabic
english
A: im moslim
Me: cool
A: and you
Me: atheist
A: fuck you    imagine my shock
Me: lol, before I delete you tell me why that is a problem?
A: you are nit a moslim
Me: so?
A: and you dont love llah ... allah    I wanted to say "fuck Allah" but I figured why escalate it?
Me: Allah is spelt with a capital A
A: and
Me: its not that I dont love him
I just dont believe in him
is that wrong?
A: wyh
why don belive with him
???
Me: because the universe and life can be explained without a god
A: you are moslim or not        apparently he thought I was joking the first time I said I wasnt
Me: nope
 you asked me that already
A: i sad are you a moslim or not            one last chance apparently
Me: I am not
I am an atheist
I believe in no god or prophet or messiah
A: so how are you            at some point he decided I was real enough to fucks with I guess
!!
Me: Im good thanks
but its late and its bedtime I will catch you later
be ez
A: are you her!!!

   I actually didn't delete this kid right then, but as I was transcribing the dialogue just now he started spamming my chat so I had to baleet his friendship and report his antics (I know, "snitches get stitches")
   the only reason this outwardly unremarkable event stayed at the forefront of my mind is because I was having another FB chat conversation while it happened...

A conversation with my woman...

Whom I havent seen for over two months...

   I'm not gonna spell it out for you but seeing as our absence has been a prolonged one the conversation may or may not have been getting a little PG-13

Pictured: What PG-13 Looks Like

So it was kind of an inopportune time for the OL fatwa of death to be put on me.  Nothing kills your erec...enthusiasm like that.

Except maybe the IRL fatwa of death

Oh well, maybe one day this kid will learn to be tolerant.  Til then let him ruin someone else's amorous internet overtures.

Egypt on Wednesday!

Stay Thirsty

-Andre Guantanamo